Does it finally get serious when your mind is so muddled up you don’t know which one of them is your voice? You can’t fall sleep because there are so many thoughts running through your mind. And yet “running” can’t apply because there’s hardly any space for them to run. They’re crammed up with hardly any room, pushing against each other, getting angrier and angrier because they’re not being listened to. More and more thoughts pouring through until there’s hardly any air, and they’re choking, still trying to get your attention. You take a pill, hoping this will calm it all down. Then you realise that’s the worst thing you could have done. Now they’re angrier, trying to push out, they’re being drugged and they won’t have it. You were meant to listen, not drug them down. They’re banging on the sides of your temple, protesting to be let out. We are your thoughts! Don’t punish us because you can’t sort out your life! So you take another pill, and another, and another and you think: this will show them! They can’t mess with you. You don’t want to listen to them, you’re not ready. You can’t focus, there are so many of them, how are you supposed to deal with all of them; especially all at once. No, you won’t have it. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.
[no photos today]
